I believe that deep down we all know what we really want. We know what we want for a career, to do for fun in our free time, in a relationship, and in every other area of our lives. However, we often feel disconnected from those desires due to a little thing called resistance.

We have allowed resistance to protect us. We can grow so accustomed to the resistance that we don’t even realize it is there.

One way to find out what’s stopping you is to move forward.

Take one step toward something new. Start moving toward your goal.

Not sure what you want or even what your goal is? I bet you know something, even something small.

If you work for a large corporation and long for a small, intimate work setting, start researching other companies. Then witness the thoughts that pop up.

Do you hear: “I’d have to take a pay cut and I can’t afford it.” Bingo! That’s one way resistance is holding you back. As long as you don’t look that fearful thought in the eyes, this belief will hold you back from your dreams.

I’m not saying that there may not be a grain of truth in your statement, but until you get to the real truth, you’ll stay stuck. Until you get to the real truth, resistance will run the show.

What’s the real truth?

It’s reality. It’s when “I can’t afford it” becomes “I choose not to change my lifestyle.” It’s when you get really honest with yourself and notice your choices. Would you rather have a fat salary, or be in a job you love? And who says you can’t have both? (Hint: Believing you can’t have both is a belief born from resistance, too!)

There are dozens of ways to get to the real truth. You can recognize that everything is a choice. You can ask your wise inner self to weigh in. You can do The Work.

Getting to the real truth is a journey worth taking, if you want to live life the way you were meant to live it.

What small step can you take today to move toward your dreams and bring the truth of your resistance out into the light?
 

Are you focused on the end result, or do you enjoy the process of getting where you want to go?

Whether it’s figuring out what to do with your life or career, taking your business to its next level, or training a puppy, enjoy getting there. Once you are “there,” nothing really changes... except you’ll find a new “there” to go and the process repeats.

I learned this last week in rewriting several pages on my website, and I was reminded by it last night when I saw these irises opening. I love how they look before they have fully blossomed--more than I like them opened all the way. They reminded me to appreciate my own process of unfolding--in life, in my business, and with training our new puppy.

How do you remind yourself to enjoy the process of getting where you want to go?
 

Creativity is spurred by many things, one of which is newness. Exposing ourselves to new sounds, sights, tastes, and activities feeds our brains.

If you have a puzzle you’re trying to solve, such as “What to do with my life,” before you sit down to brainstorm, set yourself up for success by first changing the scenery. When you tackle a problem like “How to find a job I love,” don’t sit in your drab cloth-covered cubicle and recount what you already know: good boss, more free time, something meaningful, blah blah blah. Escape the cubicle and head somewhere new to find new insights.

Go to a new coffee shop, read a book on a topic you know nothing about, then spend the 15 minutes writing down 50 possible careers, from the practical to the insane. (Martha Beck says that if the list doesn’t include at least one illegal item, you’re not brainstorming hard enough!)

If you’ve gone through most of your life in one particular way (whatever that way is), finding a new way of being or a new job or expanding your business to reach more people is going to require some edge-of-your-box thinking. Start by getting yourself physically out of your usual surroundings. Go someplace new. Mix it up even more by filling all of your five senses with new experiences.

A change of scenery doesn’t mean you don’t have to live in Italy for two years like my friend Katrina, though I know that’s done wonders for her creativity. Take two hours to head the town next door, sip a blend of tea you’ve never tried, and read a book on a topic you know nothing about. After you’ve fed your brain, see what it can do for you. Ideas will abound. Now your puzzle solving is on the right track. Not over, but on the right track.

Then report back and tell me what you discovered. Did you find any new ideas on finding a job you love?

Photo courtesy of Katrina Sloma at www.kateyeview.com
 

... well, not nothing.

Dinner has been made. The house is clean. That project was completed. Small tasks (or big ones) are checked off the list. We do get things done. But on a grand scale, nothing is ever done.

Tomorrow night, another dinner needs to be made. Next week, the house will be dirty again. There are always more projects.

The same is true with the evolution of ourselves. Eating healthy today needs to be followed by eating healthy tomorrow. Exercising once will not keep a body fit for a lifetime. We don’t make money one day to support us forever (unless you’re a lucky lottery winner, fortunate enough to hold on to your winnings). In the same way, we are never done.

As we grow and change, so do our goals, our dreams, our deepest desires. If we’re in a job we don’t like, we can fall into the trap of saying, “Once I figure out what I want to do with my life, then I can be happy.” Yes, a new job may make you happier. However, once you have that new job, you’ll set your sights on something new. That’s the nature of being human. Continual growth and infinite possibility.

Enjoy where you are right now. Continue to grow and reach for the next thing, yet don’t allow that next thing to keep you form appreciating where you are today.

Take a minute now to notice what you have today that was merely a dream yesterday or last year. Take in the glory of your growth and achievement. You’ve got plenty more coming to you.
 

Do you long for the days when you were passionate about your job, when you were excited about your company and the work you did there?

When we feel disconnected from our work, it is often because our values have shifted or the work has shifted and our values haven’t.

I see this happen to many clients. They remember times when they felt connected to their company and their work. They remember feeling excited about what they were doing. But now, it just feels like work.

Does this sound familiar? Do you want it to change?

Step back for a moment. When the times were good, what did you value about work? What did work value about you?

What about now? What do you value about work? What does work value about you?

What changed: you or work or both?

What do you want to do about it?

You can try to align yourself with work. (Likely you can’t align work with you if you work for someone else.)

You can change the reason why you show up at work.

You can find new avenues for fulfillment.

You can make a career change.

You have options. You are not stuck. You can find a connection with your work again. It won’t be the same as it used to be, but you can feel that passion again if you're willing to make a few changes. Are you ready?
 

With all of my talk about change, I want to also remind you that even when it feels like life is a whirlwind of change, there are always some things that remain constant.

If you’ve embarked on a new career, notice that your relationships with friends remain the same. If you’ve had a shake-up in your home life, notice that your exercise routine can stay the same. Notice whatever is constant for you.

What do you enjoy or appreciate about this aspect of your life? How does it bring you comfort? Whatever it is, keep it. Notice it. Connect with it. Enjoy your time with it. Appreciate it. Express gratitude for it. Relax with it. Let its essence fill you up.

Use this aspect of your life as your grounding rod. Let it hold your feet to the earth and steady you despite the whirlwinds of change that surround you.

Photo courtesy of my dad, John Williams, from his visit to Oregon in June-08

Your new identity has been revealed through the hole left from your old identity’s dissolution. You’ve followed the breadcrumbs and spotted your new destination.

You can clearly articulate who you are and what you are to do next.

How are you going to reach your goal?

Map out the steps--every single one. Fill in the blanks. When you’re not sure how to accomplish something or how to get from one step to another, ask for help. Learn new things. Interview experts.

When the picture is clear, it’s time for the real work. It’s time to roll up your sleeves and make things happen. (This is my favorite part!)

Take the first step. Then the next one. The steps can be small (actually, that’s recommended)--no need to leap or try to tackle everything at once.

Learn what you need to along the way.

Fumble and be willing to fail.

Go back and redraw the map where you got it wrong. No one says it will be or has to work perfectly on the first try.

Enjoy watching your dream unfold. You are making it happen.

Photo courtesy of Jasmic via Flickr

Change happens. We lose part of ourselves. Then we find a new way.

Heading in a new direction is like following a trail of breadcrumbs. We do not know the end destination, yet we can just barely see the next step. Each crumb we find offers us new information about our destination.

For some, this slow revealing is a fun adventure. For others, the mystery is agonizing. Whichever your disposition, know that the process of noticing your new information and narrowing in on your target is essential for arriving at your destination. Otherwise, you’d stop short of where you’re supposed to end up.

As you set out on your new way, write out what you know about where you’re headed--this can also include where you know you’re not headed. At the beginning, you won’t have much--that’s okay. Slowly you’ll find clarity.

Each time you find a bread crumb, add to, delete from, refine, and rewrite what you know. Notice what you can from each crumb. When you’ve gathered all you can from it, search for the next crumb.

Enjoy the journey. It’s an adventure to a yet-to-be-revealed destination. Trust that your true self knows how to find the way and the process of its unveiling is divinely timed.

Photo courtesy of Storm Crypt via Flickr

When change happens, you lose one identity and make space for a new one to emerge. If the loss of your old identity was fully grieved, then you will have plenty of space for something wonderful to emerge.

You’ll feel it in your heart that it’s time for something new. You won’t have to look for that something new--it will find you. You will feel a sense of possibility, hope, and excitement. Ideas will arrive in floods and a smile will return to your face.

If you haven’t fully grieved your loss, you may still find a new identity, but it will feel forced and firm, as opposed to inspired and soft. We often look for a new identity to escape the pain of our loss--yet seeking and jumping to a new identity too soon results in dissatisfaction and repressed grief in the long run.

Your heart will tell you it’s time for a new direction. You will find delight in the sense of newness you feel in the world. Enjoy the excitement from the possibilities you see.

Finding a new way is a process of uncovering. Don’t jump on every idea you have. Roll them over in your mind, let them simmer, and let your imagination run wild.

When you have a firm knowing in your whole being, you will have found your new identity. This firm knowing does not come from your head, it comes from deep within your heart and soul.
 

One of the most challenging steps in navigating change is the first one: letting go of our identity. Change in our lives signal the loss of a part of who we are. For something new to come into our lives, something else has to die.

If you lose your job at The Corporation, you also lose your identity as an employee there. If you move to a new city, you lose your identity as a resident of your prior city.

This seems like an obvious and simple concept, yet I find many people brush aside the significance of their identity loss. Many say, “Yup, that part’s gone,” without truly acknowledging the hole it creates within them.

To successfully transition into a new identity, we need to grieve the loss of our old one. The logical part of the mind thinks that grief is foolish and a waste of time. We say things like “Why bother?” and “No use crying over spilt milk.” But grief is essential. Feel the hole inside your body. Cry, scream, shout, stomp, and grumble. Releasing the emotions associated with your loss allows something new to be born.

Our tendency is to quickly get past the pain or pretend it’s insignificant. Resisting the reality of your identity loss will eventually cause more pain and make your transition to a new identity take longer. You can make it through the painful patch and over to the other side--give it time.

Allow the old identity to die and leave a hole, even though it hurts. From that hole, a new identity will soon be born. From a clear, seemingly empty hole, something better will grow.

photo courtesy of Dizzy Girl via Flickr