One of the most challenging steps in navigating change is the first one: letting go of our identity. Change in our lives signal the loss of a part of who we are. For something new to come into our lives, something else has to die.

If you lose your job at The Corporation, you also lose your identity as an employee there. If you move to a new city, you lose your identity as a resident of your prior city.

This seems like an obvious and simple concept, yet I find many people brush aside the significance of their identity loss. Many say, “Yup, that part’s gone,” without truly acknowledging the hole it creates within them.

To successfully transition into a new identity, we need to grieve the loss of our old one. The logical part of the mind thinks that grief is foolish and a waste of time. We say things like “Why bother?” and “No use crying over spilt milk.” But grief is essential. Feel the hole inside your body. Cry, scream, shout, stomp, and grumble. Releasing the emotions associated with your loss allows something new to be born.

Our tendency is to quickly get past the pain or pretend it’s insignificant. Resisting the reality of your identity loss will eventually cause more pain and make your transition to a new identity take longer. You can make it through the painful patch and over to the other side--give it time.

Allow the old identity to die and leave a hole, even though it hurts. From that hole, a new identity will soon be born. From a clear, seemingly empty hole, something better will grow.

photo courtesy of Dizzy Girl via Flickr